![]() As Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, previously told Elite Daily, you can cultivate a friendship with an ex, but it takes time. If friendship is what you have in mind, then make sure this is a realistic and worthwhile goal before sending that message. According to Brenner, "The only caveat here is that sometimes it seems like we need to reach out, and find out what that is like, in order to move on successfully." In other words, you may need to reach out to your ex too soon and get a disappointing response in order to learn your lesson the hard way, especially if you think that reaching out (no matter how much time has passed) might eventually bring you closure. Never got the closure you needed after your breakup? Starting a convo with your ex may not give you the closure you seek, and it may only perpetuate the pain instead. Then, they get back together and find themselves arguing about the same problems within days." What Should You Consider Before Contacting Your Ex?Īgain, this all depends on your intentions and how the relationship ended. Often, when people get back together too quickly, it’s just due to attachment, fear, and loneliness. If it was over something more serious, it’s a good idea to take a month apart so that you have time to get your emotions in check and get clarity about the situation. "If it was over something really trivial, for example, you may be able to patch things up in a day or two. “ It really depends on why the breakup happened," breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast Trina Leckie previously told Elite Daily. However, if you are looking to get back together, then waiting may or may not be necessary, depending on the situation. "I think knowing one's own state of mind and emotions is more important than a specific timeline," he explains, "but usually it takes several months for most people to even have a chance of getting past the post-breakup phase to the extent they can contact an ex, if the relationship was important and the breakup difficult or uncertain." If you're unsure whether an appropriate amount of time has passed before you contact your ex, Brenner suggests waiting until you’re certain their response (or lack of response) won’t hurt. "During that initial post-breakup period, getting in touch is more likely to lead to difficulties, either hooking up and regretting it, getting back together and second-guessing it, saying hurtful things out of anger and disappointment, and so on," he adds. As he explains, "When the feeling of wanting to be back together, the painful loss, the longing for the other person (if it is there), the erotic feelings, and so on, are still strong, it is more likely to be problematic to reach out to the other person." You might miss them, but Brenner emphasizes that reaching out could lead to more complications if you do it too soon. Someone who misses their ex and simply wants to reach out as a friend “should wait until the acute reactions settle down,” according to Brenner. How Long Should You Wait Before Contacting Your Ex? If the relationship was healthy and things didn't end in a terrible mess, then reaching back out might be a different story, but Brenner still advises taking a step back before hitting send.Īccording to experts, here’s what you should know before reaching out to that old flame. “It is not a good idea to contact your ex when the relationship was destructive and the desire to get in touch is driven by unhealthy relationship needs," Grant Brenner, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and co-author of Irrelationship, tells Elite Daily. If you’re asking yourself, “Should I reach out to my ex and try to work things out?,” then you should first consider how you two ended things. How long after you break up is it OK to get back together? While there’s no one answer for this, deciding how long you should wait to talk to your ex after a breakup depends on a few things. It’s even possible you’re second-guessing your decision and want to reconcile already. You could be feeling lonely but know your ex probably isn't the best person to console you. You might miss your ex but feel simultaneously angry with them. After a breakup, it's normal to have a lot of confusing feelings.
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